I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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