Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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