omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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