i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
