life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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