I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
