My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
