Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
