Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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