I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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