You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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