why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
