I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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