Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
