WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
