I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
