I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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