last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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