physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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