Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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