me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
