im holly from the hills drunk
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
