I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
