Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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