At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
