Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
