i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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