go do what you do best...puke behind churches
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize