Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
