I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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