he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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