Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
