when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
