i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
