She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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