who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
