You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize