Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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