well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
