i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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