Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
