well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
