fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
