just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize