dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
