i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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