Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
