i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize