they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
