Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
