Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I won't apologize to a one balled man
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
