she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
