Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
