Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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