Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
