hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you traded sex for a burrito?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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