i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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