Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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