did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
