I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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