Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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