I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize